Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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