Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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