1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize