i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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