I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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