I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
