We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
