I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize