I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
