I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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