I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
