he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
