obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
