i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
