So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
