A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
