The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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