Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
