No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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