She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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