Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
