i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
