just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I believe in your delicious
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
