apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
