i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I deserve to be covered in dicks
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
