i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
