I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Randomize
