another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
