if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
