It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
