i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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