The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
