haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
stop calling my apartment porn island.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
