evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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