i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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