On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
