what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You're like the curious george of whores
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
