i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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