mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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