He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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