I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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