He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
