you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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