We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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