Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
