the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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