I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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