I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
