Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
