I wish I only lived at night.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize