the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
