Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
