I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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