u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
