go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
