Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
