Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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