woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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