is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
