you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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