So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
