Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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