Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
