What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
