Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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