I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
