margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
My sheets look like a crime scene.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
