should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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