I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
