i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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