WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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