cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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