it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
