how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
