thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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