i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
they need to just BURY HIM!
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
