I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
