I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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