The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
