I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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