I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Randomize
