I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
