The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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