Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
