I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
