yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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